Who Was Phone

May 25, 2011

I’m seventeen, and I signed up just to share my story.

My father committed suicide in the spring of 2009. We weren’t close and there was a lot of animosity between us. I was in a pretty bad shape, and I felt a lot of guilt over it. There was a lot of hiding things, done by my siblings and my mother. For example, I was never allowed to read his note. But that’s besides the point.

On more than one occasion, my phone has rung, except not quite. It doesn’t vibrate, nor does it play my ringtone, and since it’s In Death Is Life – Meshuggah, I’d notice if it did. When this happens, it shows my father’s caller ID, but no number. There’s never an option to answer or decline, and I use a Sony Ericsson K770i. It doesn’t show in my missed calls list, and it’s incredibly bizarre. It usually happens in the late hours of the morning, and I’m always wide awake.

When it swings by, I always have a terrible sense of urgency and guilt. I’d like to pause for a moment to point out that I’m a very rational, very scientifically minded atheist. The first time it happened, I’ll admit I very nearly shit my pants, but I’ve grown more and more used to it, but the feelings that wash over me still swamp me. I have no idea whether my phone is on the fritz, as I have had it for God knows how long, but it’s never happened with any other caller ID. I’ve spoken with O2 (My service provider) technicians, who, at best, have given me a slight shrug and offered me an upgrade.

For some reason, I like the idea that my father is trying to contact me. Even with the feelings of panic and guilt, at whatever situation, I almost feel like he’s trying to reconcile from the afterlife, even if I’m anti-spiritualist and don’t believe in life after death.

– Posted by Constantinople; Reddit


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